my misc thoughts.


welcome to my thoughts page.
this is where i'll put things i think about.
ordered newest to oldest.

--having so many people follow me makes me nervous...

--if anything happens i love you

--please let me go

--i want to run away like every coming of age movie

--i hate this fucking world.

--its been 25 days since i was bad last. i hope that stretch keeps going but i feel like it'll be reset tonight.

--over the years i have become an amazing liar which worries me.

--getting very overwhelmed.

--terrified of ending up in a psych ward a la AHS season 2. i dont want to be held against my will and trapped, i'll just get worse.

--i have been warned to beware of the water, which is ironic because it proceeds cherry.

--i've been teetering between life and death pretty consistently for the last seven months but some days it feels like everything will be okay and those are the days i live for.

--i dont like where this is going, and theres nothing i can do.

--while my forest haven is burned down around me by the savior, i sit crosslegged, smiling.

--i lack the passion that makes this world great. people put so much work into what they do and i feel like i dont deserve that effort. i have no passion and feel like i dont deserve this world.

--people who fake disorders get on my nerves hard

--i hate who i used to be two years ago. angsty angry fuck. now i'm just melancholic, lonely and vengeful.

--god, i want to claw your fucking eyes out.

-23, see you in heaven

-three years ago, wow. i still think every day about how everything could be different. miss you.

-im ok btw

-i got lager from a friend of mine, had a can tonight, vile shit, but i took painkillers for a headache beforehand. if this ends up at the worst scenario, i'm sorry.

-sometimes i sit there and just think how i got to this point.

-i dunno man, im trying but just barely hanging on.

-my arm is awful. i wouldnt be lying if i said i wasnt considering it right now.

-maybe im not even ready for another, but i just dont feel loved in my current state.

-i want to be in another relationship. i know people say "if you can’t love yourself how the hell
you gonna love somebody else?" but i dont feel like im deserving of love. just someone else.

-so i lit my left wrist and hand on fire by accident. whoops.

-had a breakdown on twitter and just kept tweeting for an hour and a half. i hope that doesnt get me in trouble.
i dont want to hurt anyone. just myself.

-i want to drive in the snow late at night listening to in rainbows. that sounds so melancholic.

-i have this urge when i get my new car to run away and never come back..
i want to just go start a new life somewhere where i wont have to worry about anything.

-i crave the eternal bliss that i have since lost.

-sceneofthecrash, hope youre alright, best wishes.

-my friends are going to help me set up a stereo system in my room so i can listen to music without my headphones. im excited.

-if i'm being honest, getting those edibles was a really good decision.
my anxiety is nearly gone and isnt some constant thing. its helped me move on. i feel calm.

-i have a poetry page now. theres nothing there at the moment but its there.

-having a 90s theme website makes me feel kind of cool. it would have been cool to have this in like 1997 or 1998.
maybe then ppl would like me.

-sometimes i wonder. if my corpse was found like how i imagine it, would they finally care.
once 1/3 of my skull is scattered on the floor, will they finally realize what happened.

-thanks for 4k.

-theyre here. happiness here i fucking come.

-not sure how much more i can take of this.

-my medication isnt helping. my anxiety is getting worse. help.

-i finally got to have fucking alcohol ha. ha. ha.

-i'm really scared of ending up in a psych ward.

-i am a mistake.

-feel like im losing my mind

-ive lost four pounds in two weeks.

-im ready for everything to be over

-cant sleep in the dark anymore

-i feel so worthless

-its never gonna get better for me

-i kinda want to go jump off a overpass

-ordered a kmfdm tour 97 shirt, excited for it to get here.


-rivers cuomo is a visionary

-one year ago today everything changed.

-you tear me apart inside.

-i still remember your laugh. innocent, beautiful, pure.

-links page is up, ur welcome.

-i dont know if my mental state is worse or not from a year ago?

-i want to apologize for everything i did last year.

-i sit here with a sore throat and fever making a phone background for 8 hours, and i just feel worse.

-just like noel said, where did it all go wrong?

-everything was going so well and now ive hit rock bottom

-ive watched 16 episodes of danny phantom in one sitting. i dont have a problem. i promise.